Gains and Losses

written on Tuesday, October 27, 2011

These days of economic downturn have us all talking about gains and losses - mostly losses in the stock market, low interest rates, and high unemployment.  These are often devastating losses, but that is not what is on my mind today.  Today a dear friend passed away after a battle with cancer.  It was cancer that doctors should have seen during repeated annual screenings.  But they didn't, and tragedy struck.

This is the first time that a friend younger than I has preceeded me in death.  I feel very sad, stung, numb, teary, and I admit, a little angry all at once.  What I don't feel is loss.  I never like to hear the well intended phrase, "I'm sorry for your loss."  Be sorry for my separation and my grief, but it is not a loss.  My friend is still my friend.  I am sorry that we have had a parting so soon.  In fact, that causes me an outpouring of grief, but we have not parted forever.  Bonnie has gone to a place where I can't see her or hear her or hug her, and that hurts, but she is not lost.  This parting is temporary.

I won't speak of Bonnie in the past tense.  I don't like to hear that she "was a great person."  She is a great person.  All that I love about her is still with her.  She's still friendly and cheerful and chatty.  She's still funny and attentive.  What is in the past is her illness and pain.  Those are gone, never to return again.

So why do I write about this in my efforts to describe joy?  Today is a hard day.  I don't like good-byes, and this one is especially tough, but it's not about loss.  It's about gain.  When I gained Bonnie as a friend, it was forever, not just for the three-plus years that we swam together three times each week.  Not just for the times we chatted at Starbucks and combed the sales at Eddie Bauer.  Our friendship was a gain that will stay with us forever.  When Jesus Christ arose from the tomb, believers and non-believers were all given a gift.  It is the sure promise that life does not end with the grave.  We will part, but we will see eachother again, and every good thing will be retained.  I know this truth for certain, and that brings me comfort and hope amidst the tears.  My gratitude for this gift of life is a source of joy, even on a day like today.