Midnight
tonight marks the end of a chapter for me.
It’s not the end of the book, but it is the end of an important
chapter. At the stroke of midnight
tonight, in the eyes of the law, there will be no more children in the Abernathy
household. The book will never close for
me as I continue as a mother of adult children, a grandmother,
great-grandmother, and so on forever.
Still, though, today is a time of reflection for me on what it has meant to be a mother of young children.
First
of all, if I could make my life’s choices again, I would make the same ones all
over. I have no regrets and
consider it a blessing that I was able to bear five children in my youth. I knew at the time that I was taking a
different path than many of my friends, and while I have admired their
accomplishments, I am delighted with my own.
A few years ago, I attended an event in my home town, and four of my
five children were with me. They were
mostly grown and were polished and dressed in their Sunday best when I met a
childhood friend who had never seen all of my kids together in the same
place. Her comment startled me a bit,
when she said, “Wow, so this is what you have done all these years.” It then occurred to me that it was indeed
what I had done for nearly thirty years, and I was very happy to show the
evidence of my work. I think I may have
realized for the first time that motherhood had truly shaped the person I had
become.
While
it’s true that it was rarely easy to be the mother of five children, it’s also
true that is has been wonderful.
Motherhood has shaped my happiness and taught me character traits that I
don’t know how I could have learned elsewhere.
I learned that other lives quite literally depended on me. I had to stay on my back for many weeks of a
pregnancy to save the life of a tiny daughter.
I arose exhausted several times each night for many years to feed a
hungry baby or to comfort a frightened or a sick child. Every mother since Eve has done this, so I
take no credit at being anyone special, but the seriousness of this dependence
has taught me that my needs can’t come first.
Learning to sacrifice for the well being, and indeed, the life of
another, has gone a long way towards polishing away the selfish rough edges of
my soul.
Motherhood
has also taught me to trust. While I
might have liked to take over their lives and make their decisions for them, I
have learned to trust my children and to allow them to make as many of their
own choices as they were prepared to make.
We worked daily to teach each of them correct principles and reliance on
God. Then we held our breath and watched
them fly away. At first, it was as
simple as taking a deep breath if a child chose clothing that wasn’t exactly to
my liking or exhibited personality traits that were different from my
own. As the years passed, each of our
children surpassed us in strength, skill, and ability to
manage the challenges of an ever darkening world. None of us, parents or children, would have been happy to stay together in the
overcrowded nest forever. Although
frightening at times, it has been magnificent to watch them soar and to build their own nests.
Having
the babies and caring for them full time has also taught me tremendous
gratitude for my dear husband. In my
younger years, I was sometimes frustrated at the difference in our job
descriptions as mother and father. In my
immature eyes, the daddy flew away each morning to develop an exciting career
while the mommy bird sat on the nest and dealt with the squawking until way
past sunset, when the daddy bird returned to the nest after the little
noisy fledglings had finally eaten their fill of worms. His life seemed grand, and mine, well, not so
grand. It’s in these later years where I
have come to appreciate the gift I had of being free to tend the children
without the worry of providing financial support. I was there to see every little step, bind
every boo-boo, large or small, fill a shopping cart to overflowing with
groceries and sneakers and sweatshirts, and attend every school function
without having to ask for time off from work.
I was doing my work, and Daddy’s dedication to the family allowed me to
do it. I might add that he also
supported me in earning a graduate degree and maintaining a busy music studio while
caring for our little ones.
Finally,
thirty-plus years of full time motherhood has shaped me into the person that I
have always wanted to become. While it’s
true that I would have liked to stay the slim twenty something I once was, what
I really wanted was to become more tender, more aware of the needs of others,
softer, and best of all, beloved by those closest to me. Mothering of children has not been merely a
job. It has been a calling and a way of
life. For me, it has been a happier life
than I ever could have imagined. While I
know that the day will never come that I will surrender my motherhood badge, my
days will shift to a different rhythm. I
will experience more time away from the nest to spread my wings and to pursue
new flights. Some choices were put on a
shelf for a few decades, but to my delight, when I dust off my former roles,
they are somehow brighter for the waiting.
What a wonderful surprise. When
my children bring their little ones back to visit their grandmother, they find
her happier, wiser, and more beloved than she ever could have been without
those lessons learned as a mother of five great kids.
